I have always thought of myself as a very quiet person, up until recently, where I have had the privilege of meeting a very special girl. She is the sort that talks very little and very softly. She is the sort that most people would brush aside as being a wallflower. However, when she does share, whether in the rare times verbally or through email, she is the most incredibly sincere person I have ever met, and her deep love for others is apparent. She is not in the least influenced by peer pressure and the world's standards, and is not in the least bothered about blending in or looking good/appearing popular outwardly. I have never heard her talk rubbish, or engage in the idle talk most of us love because it doesn't require much thought and avoids the serious issues. Sometimes I wonder what goes on inside her head, and I suspect its wondering how much rubbish the typical person spouts a day and putting up with it, and is too polite to tell us so! :b

Such people's perspectives are so important because they view the world so differently from the crowd, and point out details that pretty much everyone overlooks. It's no wonder that most of the revolutionaries and geniuses of the world never fit into the crowd.

A verse that jumped out of the page today for me when I was randomly searching.

Today was Shufen's last Sunday at church and my second last, and the lovely church folks gave us a Switzerland soccer jersey and box of chocolates each as souveniors. They forgot to take off the price tags, and to our horror the jersey cost 50 swiss francs 0_0

Just a thought...

You may have a really crappy history teacher who doesn't know his stuff, but that doesn't reduce the fact by an inch that the stuff he talks about really happened. This is no way excuses the history teacher for being a bad one- he has every responsibility to know what he is supposed to specialize in and deliver it in a way that would interest and touch his students. But basing the authenticity of historical fact on who delivers it- or how- is in no way sensible.

Off to study for exams, and I'll be home in 2 weeks!

For a rainy day

What I Have Learned So Far

Meditation is old and honorable, so why should I
not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside,
looking into the shining world?
Because, properly attended to, delight, as well as
havoc, is suggestion.
Can one be passionate about the just, the ideal,
the sublime, and the holy, and yet commit to no
labor in its cause? I don't think so.

All summations have a beginning, all effect has a
story, all kindness begins with a sown seed.
Thought buds towards radiance. The gospel of
light is the crossroads of - indolence, or action.

Be ignited, or be gone.

- Mary Oliver

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. We are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson

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It does not serve others to be small in generosity, small in kindness, small in empathy, small in understanding, small in forgiveness, small in love.

These three years

So I was doing research for a presentation late in school and uploading the photos for the previous post. Walking throught the deserted campus at these hours brought on the second deja vu of my JC days in a matter of a week- the first being something I shall not mention because it is trivial (ok, also embarassing). Ask me on MSN! It was strange that I would relate this experience of hanging around school late for schoolwork to my JC days when it seems so much more relevant to university- I think it must be due to the fact that SMU never seems to close and seems to be generally well lit 24 hours! It brought to mind days of staying back late for band practices for an upcoming concert, days of hanging around school late during orientations and school events, days of hanging around just a little longer at any excuse- hoping to catch a glimpse of someone you had a crush on. I remember this with nothing but light, pleasant nostalgia.

I welcome these memories much more than the last three years. The memories of things I could enjoy without any risk or any pain.

The last three years- I shy away from remembering. The last three years brought many phases of joy and sadness. I shy away from remembering either of these- because somehow, I cannot seem to remember the good without the bad- they come as a whole.

That's the price we pay for actually living I guess (:

And I think I get on a lot better by putting all of it aside. I'm not saying to forget them completely and pretend it never happened, but just to store them securely at the back of my mind and not take them out anymore. Because nostalgia on what is over brings on issues you really should no longer be wasting time thinking about.

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I tell everyone that my days in JC were my darkest ones. They are memories I can look back on without too much thought, an ignorant bliss. I basically just floated through life with no thought whatsoever as to why I was doing such and such. Nothing really bad or really good happened. It was a limbo of sorts.

It is these three years I will treasure most of all. The memories of earlier times are tossed around haphazard around my head, picked up easily, and equally easily lost. I know I've been told before that I shouldn't forget and to treasure the good memories, but that's the point. I'm not forgetting and I am treasuring! They're locked up in the treasure chest in my mind, not easily taken out, but never lost.

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And it was rather chilly and rainy as I walked home; at each breath the clouds of warm air floated away from me like a ghost.