But this time, I actually believed it.
10:19 AM
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That is so Sophie's World lar. Even my dream state is so cynical. I mean whenever I dream I'm always questioning whether it's real or not, pinching myself to see if I wake up.
1:26 PM
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Fate watches from above with a casually amused grin.
"An eye for an eye. I'm teasing you now.
Isn't it what you were asking for all along?"
9:02 PM
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So today was the official last day of school, I guess. Went to school in the morning for farewell assembly and Huimin called me when I was on my way in... then went to atrium and she and Min Li handed me this huge bag of food. Really sweet of you all to remember :) though I don't want to think of the state I'll be in when I actually finish the stuff. Burp. So went to hall and the main thing was the presentation with all the class pics of our cohort... quite sweet even though they had to play sad music in the background throughout to evoke emotions in us... manipulation I tell ya. But it was really nice of the teachers to do it. :) Then me and Mingyong were chasing Mr James Lim around to take pic with him and finally got our snapshot. Our class went to the amphitheatre to have some sharing where we all had to talk about our reflections in life in NJ... rather interesting I must say. Yup, then had cake that Wei Wei baked (thanks a lot girl!) and yes hamster accessories for Mingyong and a new cd for me. Thanks a lot for preparing the stuff people... really appreciate it! (My sis is happy too because new cd for me = new cd for her, haha) We went to Seoul Garden for lunch and had an interesting time discussing about senior's farewell, class chalet, army, work and the future. Then rushed back to school to do my econs essay and got interrupted half-way by my dweeby sis about HER essay... haha. Then went out for dinner too, feeling damn fat now. Finished essay, uploaded photos while reading Jx's blog, gaining many insights along the way (don't worry lar I won't spread) watched a bit of America's next Top Model, and here I am.
My gosh, I have so many new cds now, but hey, who's complaining? CDs always last longer than other things 'cos you can listen to them over and over, savour them slowly and hear something different and more charming than the first time. In Carnet De Voyage Craig Thompson stayed with a family who lived in a chalet built by their ancestors in the Swiss Alps. 0_0 It's been my dream since primary school or something to stay in the Swiss Alps but it's quite difficult for normal people 'cos it's not normally part of the usual commercialized tour deal. Oh well. I can always dream.
I'll be 18 in a couple of hours. Don't think it's mere coincidence that the yearly ageing falls just a day after leaving the uniformed life. What can I say? I can't believe I'm 18 already. I don't feel I'm ready to step into the real world yet and leave the sweet old innocent school days behind. I just feel like I still have a lot to learn, somehow. On life in NJ, I can't say it was the best, but I'm always grateful for what I have gained. There IS stuff that I regret, and I can't tell how many times I wish I could turn back the hands of time where two years just breezed by. Just like that. It seems as though a lot of stuff that happened last year never happened. And that's quite scary. I mean it was only a year ago? And yet it all seems like a story or dream. You could tell me that and I would believe you. And so it isn't really surprising at all that stuff that really happened thousands of years ago are easily dismissed by people as just myth. Sometimes I wonder what's the point of, like, actually doing things when we live in a world of everlasting change and everything that seems to matter is only, the "NOW!" and by the time "NOW" comes what you were actually doing previously is already obselete. Oh well, I'm getting pretty irrelevant.
I just want to be grateful, I guess. What's the point of thinking so much about stuff that is already over? Want to be grateful for people I've met from coming here like my 1st 3 months friends MinLi, Huimin, and Anuja, wonderful down-to-earth people I'll always treasure. Section mates Swee Yan and Shun Yu, for all the laughter and times we had to go through together, juniors like Val, Mabel, Sharon and Jasmine and of course Michelle, Charmaine and Revathi, such sweet people full of life. Class gals: Si Hui, thanks for always putting up with me, listening to me and being such a loyal friend; Baofei, for all your lameness, amusing advice and tolerance of my whining; Wei Wei for always caring and talking nonsense with me; Huiling for your initiative, honesty and amusing ability to ALWAYS be the first to bring up MH, Mingyong for her sweetness and caring at all times, Serene for always being there no matter whether to joke with or discuss work :) Yup, I'm thankful for you all.
It's getting really late now. I shall leave you all with (what else?) a lyric.
She buys a ticket cause it's cold where she comes from
she climbs aboard because she's scared of getting older in the snow
Love is a ghost train rumbling through the darkness
hold on to me darling I got no where else to go
"How do you do?"She said
"Hey, how do you do?"
I took the cannonball down to the ocean
watch the diesel disappear beneath the tumbling waves
love is a ghost train howling on the radio
"Remember everything," She said "When only memories remain."
-CC, Ghost Train
Everybody altogether now: Booya!
1:22 AM
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I felt a little like reflecting on the last of my uniformed days, but the inspiration is gone right now. Maybe another time.
When I was walking home there was a woman on the path in working clothes in the midst of a breakup with her boyfriend. Over the handphone. She was crying and pretty much yelling (much to the delight of all nosey passers-by) into her phone ["wo bu yao ting ni ze xie excuse le, wo zen de bu neng le"] I'm sadistic. Oh well.
Came home and my mum just came back from my cousin's wedding in the US. And she got a lot of stuff. Like Counting Crows' first album (which, as a matter of fact, was released in 1993. I was like in P1?!), the 2 Daria movies on DVD, Craig Thompson's travel sketches book Carnet De Voyage and she also unknowingly brought back a newspaper from her hotel which featured I Heart Huckabees! :) I realized that if we went with her we could have caught Garden State AND I Heart Huckabees in the cinemas 'cos she also brought back the movie page. Darn it. Haha. Anyway, my mum rocks! Oh yup, she also got me a dress so I don't have to bother searching high and low for one anymore. Hooray! It's kind of feminine but I shan't complain 'cos I don't look too fat in it. And that's rare.
Then spent a long time finishing my econs essay, and watched Is It Fall Yet? And it was really got to me. I haven't seen Daria for quite a while and it's all coming back to me now why I love it. But it's just got my kind of humour and the best script ever. She's so iconic I don't understand why it isn't shown anywhere except on Chinese MTV to teach Chinese people how to speak English. Like could you get any weirder?
Anyway I should get some sleep so I can wake up early tomorrow to continue in my mugging pursuits. Ugh.
11:42 PM
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The best thing about music is that it's for everyone. To enjoy, and relate to in their own way.
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Well I woke up in mid afternoon cause that's when it all hurts the most
I dream I never know anyone at the party and I'm always the host
If dreams are like movies then memories are films about ghosts
You can never escape, you can only move south down the coast
Well I am an idiot walking a tightrope of fortune and fame
I am an acrobat swinging trapezes through circles of flame
If you've never stared off into the distance then your life is a shame
And though I'll never forget your face,
sometimes I can't remember my name
Hey, Mrs. Potter, don't cry
Hey, Mrs. Potter, I know why but
Hey, Mrs. Potter, won't you talk to me
Well there's a piece of Maria in every song that I sing
And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings
And there is always one last light to turn out and one last bell to ring
And the last one out of the circus has to lock up everything
Or the elephants will get out and forget to remember what you said
And the ghosts of the tilt-o-whirl will linger inside of your head
And the Ferris wheel junkies will spin there forever instead
When I see you, a blanket of stars covers me in my bed
Hey, Mrs. Potter, don't go, I said
Hey, Mrs. Potter, I don't know, but
Hey, Mrs. Potter, won't you talk to me
Well all the blue light reflections that color my mind when I sleep
And the lovesick rejections that accompany the company I keep
All the razor perceptions that cut just a little too deep
Hey, I can bleed as well as anyone, but I need someone to help me sleep
So I throw my hand into the air and it swims in the beams
It's just a brief interruption of the swirling dust sparkle jet stream
Well I know I don't know you and you're probably not what you seem
Aw, but I'd sure like to find out
So why don't you climb down off that movie screen
Hey, Mrs. Potter, don't turn
Hey, Mrs. Potter, I burn for you
Hey, Mrs. Potter, won't you talk to me
When the last king of Hollywood shatters his glass on the floor
and orders another
Well, I wonder what he did that for
That's when I know that I have to get out cause I have been there before
So I gave up my seat at the bar and I head for the door
We drove out to the desert just to lie down beneath this bowl of stars
We stand up in the Palace, like it's the last of the great pioneer town bars
Aw, we shout out these songs against the clang of electric guitars
Well, you can see a million miles tonight
But you can't get very far
Hey Mrs. Potter I won't touch and
Hey Mrs. Potter it's not much but
Hey Mrs. Potter won't you talk to me
--'Mrs. Potter's Lullaby', Counting Crows
7:51 PM
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Feeling fat and happy :)
And more so sleepy again.
9:28 PM
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