4:59 PM
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1) BLOG regularly. And I want to be as honest as possible, and for my blog to always remain public. Because no matter how egocentric this may sound, you never know when what you write may touch and help someone in some small way. Because I have encountered blogs that have been such a great source of encouragement to me.

And I know that in all the times I took the time to write down something that really mattered to me, I have never regretted. Because I was able to look back and learn.

What I did regret was having breaks where I just didn't blog, because I was going through a period where I wasn't too happy with my life and not blogging was just a side-effect of pretending everything is ok. But it is so important to look at your life so you know what you did wrong.

I think my blogging has always beens sporadic and prone to long silences. But I do believe that writing is definitely one of the ways I express myself, and discover new things I never knew were there, and developing and expanding on thoughts just pooling in my head, which would have just continued pooling in my head had I not sat down to write about them! It's the best way I thrash things out with myself. All in all, it's a healthy activity for both myself and others, so I say, let's get on with it. It takes time, but it's always worth it when you share a part of yourself with others, and accepting myself in all my flaws.

I kept a journal in a past that wasn't regular, but when I wrote in it, I liked how I was able to really grow and expand my mind with it. The plus with a journal is also how I could write in as disorganized and honest a fashion I liked. Good reasons, but nonetheless, selfish ones. However, the bad part was that journals tend to get tucked under other books and things on my desk, and I tend to not like taking it out to read when I'm in one of my avoidant tendencies. With a blog, I'm forced to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense to others, which in fact teaches me also to learn how to put across my opinions to others in conversations in a way that they can understand. Because it would lack a point if I had this point I thought would be helpful to someone, but she didn't get it because it got lost in translation? I think sometimes I should have just taken Comms as a major. And a blog is something I would be forced to constantly read because the Internet is something I cannot avoid, the addict that I am. So I would also be reminded of the things I need to think through. Furthermore, it's all public. You can't hide from the world that you went back on a promise you made to yourself because all will know it too.

2) I think another part of this is the need for me to learn to be an open book. Anyone who knows me well enough would know that I absolutely hate sharing about myself with others. And how difficult I find it to express my feelings and thoughts. I think this just is a reflection of inbuilt fear of what I say being stupid, and not being comfortable with who I am. I have been this way pretty much all my life. I think the more I write honestly, the easier it will be to say in real life as well.

4:23 PM
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3:21 PM
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11:02 PM
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6:00 PM
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Drop the rifles and hold out the cup.

This story is from a book my cell group leader Dennis gave me for Christmas that I REALLY didn’t want to read at first, because it was about burdens and I felt vaguely insulted and very prideful. I’m so glad I put these aside and gave it a chance. I hope it would be a source of encouragement to you.

A boy lived with his father in a valley at the base of a large dam. Every day the father would go to work on the mountain behind their house and return home with a wheelbarrow full of dirt. “Pour the dirt in the sacks, Son,” the father would say. “And stack them in front of the house.”

And though the boy would obey, he also complained. He was tired of dirt. He was weary of bags. Why didn’t his father give him what other fathers gave their sons? They had toys and games; he had dirt. When he saw what the others had, he grew mad at them. "It’s not fair," he said to himself.

And when he saw his father, he objected. “They have fun. I have dirt.”

The father would smile and place his arm on the boy’s shoulders and say, “Trust me, Son. I’m doing what is best.”

But it was so hard for the boy to trust. Every day the father would bring the load. Every day the boy would fill bags. “Stack them as high as you can,” the father would say as he went for more. And so the boy filled the bags and piled them high. So high he couldn’t see over them.

“Work hard, Son,” the father said one day. “We’re running out of time.” As the father spoke, he looked at the darkening sky. The boy stared at the clouds and turned to ask about them, but when he did, the thunder cracked and the sky opened. The rain poured so hard he could scarcely see his father through the water. “Keep stacking, Son!” And as he did, the boy heard a mighty crash.

The water of the river poured through the dam and toward the little village. In a moment the tide swept everything in its path, but the dike of dirt gave the boy and the father the time they needed. “Hurry, Son. Follow me.”

They ran to the side of the mountain behind their house and into a tunnel. In a matter of moments, they exited the other side and scampered up the hill and came upon a new cottage.

We’ll be safe here,” the father said to the boy.

Only then did the son realize what the father had done. He had burrowed an exit. Rather than give him what he wanted, the father gave his boy what he needed. He gave him a safe passage and a safe place.

Hasn’t our Father given us the same? A strong wall of grace to protect us? A sure exit to deliver us? Of whom can be we envious? Who has more than we do? Rather than want what others have, should we wonder if they have what we do? Instead of being jealous of them, what about zealous for them? For heaven’s sake, drop the rifles and hold out the cup. There is enough to go around.

One thing is certain. When the final storm comes and you are safe in your Father’s house, you won’t regret what he didn’t give. You’ll be stunned at what he did.

- Taken from Max Lucado’s Travelling Light

Yes, we are always blessed to be a blessing! With that in mind, we won’t get stuck in our own jealousy and dissatisfaction i.e. personal drama so much (She’s a natural leader, why can’t I be like that? Why are all my friends attached? Why does he like her better than me? Why does he find it so easy to do well in school, when I struggle to get the simplest things right? It’s not fair!) Instead remember the world around us, and that there is so much work to be done (: What a great perspective to live by!

“Praise to be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
2 Cor 1:3-4

This story also reminds me not to be so impatient: I think a lot of times we innately KNOW that God knows what’s best, but the fact that the results seem so far off frustrates us. Working on building that wall without an end in sight takes a stretch of faith, and it’s easy to grab at the more tangible signs of comfort in moments of weakness. I hope that we’ll all trust God to know what’s best. Keep praying for great faith.

11:51 AM
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7:21 PM
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