I'm going to be honest. I still can't stop feeling inadequate and analyzing and reanalyzing everything I do, and it's really supposed to be about one's MOTIVE. Rather than the action. And my motives are always flawed. What kind of person am I, really? I really hope to *Build up my foundations. So I can: Worry less. Theorize less. Practise more. And hence- actually do more. And want to!* As my mum always says, in the time you spend thinking about whether or not you should do something or arguing about it, you would have already friggin' done it!
On to happier things. I did enjoy my SMU camp a great deal. My group tended to be rather guy dominated at first because they're more outspoken, and there were 6 guys and just 4 girls who came for the camp. But by Day 2 the quieter ones would speak up with very good ideas too, since the more outspoken ones didn't overdo things. I just feel that although we were all very different people, the sum of us is rather complementary. Harmonious. Without politics. I honestly respect and admire each and every one of them in their own way. Which is rare. And I am grateful. I am grateful for kind words of encouragement even when I was a dreadful cockswain when we were dragon-boating. I am happy that although we weren't the top team or anything, we did our best and we enjoy each others' company. (We did win the cooking competition though, which has got to be the funniest thing ever. Cheers to Yuanru, Duncan and Caressa especially for that one!) I am grateful for the quiet bond we gained in planning and working together and learning as a team. I am grateful for the practical and detailed activities that challenged us and forced us to think and grow. And I'm grateful to the facis who kept on pushing us to do our best and didn't mince on criticisms and integrity. They make me think of that famous HP quote: To decide between what is easy and what is right.
Suitcase of memories
* The spider web, where we first Learned
* Cooking maggi mee and other rations combat style and eating it in grimy pots by torchlight. Yes, and the smiley face that won first prize.
* The square game because it seemed so ludicrous at first
* When we had to use one word to describe each other- euphemisms, euphemisms!
* The Scene on the second night in Chinese Garden- Reddish-pink sky, silhouettes of trees, lights in the HDB flats. Towels hanging on the raffia.
* The Symphony of Snores the same night. *snore- whisper whisper- giggle giggle- "SHADDUP LAH!"* Thus, no sleep!
* Water cup game!
I'm not saying that we're going to become the best of friends and dance off into the sunset and live happily ever after, all Pollyanna-ish. I'm just saying that the camp achieved something and my group had sweet people.
I'm also thankful that our facis very nicely took pictures of all the activities we were doing so we could store up the memories for keeps, since we couldn't take the pics ourselves. And we didn't actually bring cameras so the best we could do was use our handphones, thus:
That team. Yes, that one! Collage courtesy of Aries. Thank God for camera phones.
Ning and I talked to Mel for over two hours on long-distance yesterday- argh the bills! But it was worth it. Happy happy birthday, dear. Really sorry about the delay with cancelled phone lines etc. It's so weird- the three of us are going to be at different points around the globe! Never would have imagined it. Left a message at your LJ ok. With your Kenyan friend in Australia, Ning with her Californian room mate with the Hispanic-sounding name (yes, mum hit the roof) in very white Virginia, I can only hope to live up to the cosmopolitan-ness! Ning- I hope you have the time of your life. :) A whole new chapter in less than three weeks.
8:53 PM
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Hui Ling commented that orientation camp is like a dream. You wake up the next day and you wonder whether it really happened. It's random and it's transient. When you're there you can't wait to get home. Once it's over you want to go back. But of course you can't.
I'm babbling. I'm dead tired so I can't really think straight right now.
I've got to go and start reading Half-Blood Prince so my sis can stop keeping mum about details. And also finally stop running away from spoilers which are inevitably going to stop becoming spoilers as the world reads on.
I will update on camp properly soon. I will, I will.
8:44 PM
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:)
8:06 PM
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'Tis a good period for being giam! Bought a decent pair of jeans for $23. And got the Dirty Dancing 2 DVD (with extras, although they are rather pointless) for $14.90. And I boycotted Marche yesterday, and bought just a drink (which was still $4.50) when I had to go meet up with my orientation group even before orientation because *that's the SMU tradition*. I will always keep away from that place if I can, with their lame overpricedness. I don't care about your fancy decor. Value for money please. Besides, they've been selling the same old thing for years.
Anyway, my orientation group seems okay. Camp does not sound fun, unfortunately. And I got booted out of the business camp *due to overwhelming response*. Balloting system. 120 spaces out of a school of around 800 people? I'm not too upset though. Haha.
I really, really like tourists. There were two beefy Caucasian men staring, fascinated, at the fountain in Bugis Junction (the one that little kids constantly play in). And I'm wondering- with all their large countries have to offer, whether it's scenery, culture, or just plain atmosphere, what could possibly be so fascinating about a man-made fountain? And how they were so taken by the acrobatic performers at the Bugis Street area, when most locals just walked on by to do their shopping (yes, I was one of them). Ning also mentioned once when two girls tried to squeeze on to a crowded MRT and one of them got stuck outside the doors, and they were waving frantically at each other, a bemused tourist watching them smiled a secret smile to himself. It's funny how they find us so interesting, coming here to find their accidental beauties, when we go to their countries to do the same. What is different from ourselves will always be better eh.
WATCH LOST TONIGHT! It is Dom Monaghan(Charlie)'s episode.
Saw a guy on the train, with a pageboy fringe, hair kind of long around the ears- and two gold earrings in his earlobe, carrying a giant slingbag. He wasn't particularly good-looking or anything, on the short and skinny side, but he stood out starkly among his spiky gelled, baggy jeaned fellow males. And he had seemed so peaceful, so comfortable with himself. What a gem. I'm thankful to have encountered him.
8:31 PM
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Random thoughts.
Watched I Heart Huckabees, Nicholas Nickelby and Nobody Knows recently. All are very good in their own way. Huckabees is original, fast-paced and very thought provoking, Nickelby is delightfully old-skool, and Nobody Knows is very, very sad. But inspirational nonetheless. Now I feel like watching 10 Things I Hate About You 'cos I'm feeling nostalgic.
Went for matriculation yesterday with Serene and her mum, and I met church friend Jeremy there, and so we went around together, which was slightly odd but okay, 'cos we got free cases when buying comps in a group. And I didn't get the tablet PC in the end because Serene's mum consulted her friend after Jeremy told me adamantly that is was no good and expensive, even though it is much chioer than the *coffin-like* IBMs we finally decided on, to use Serene's word. She's going for operation to remove her 4 wisdom teeth today, I do hope she'll be all right. Even though she had to point out the Accountancy seniors we saw when registering for camp were much better-looking than the Business ones. Oh thanks. ;)
I also cleared out my drawers for the first time in years recently, and it's amazing how many stages of my life are stuffed into those shelves. I'm starting to feel so old. I found
* 4 pairs of old glasses, including my very first pair in Pri. 2, which are Harry Potter round, and have rusty gold frames
* An entire carton of very cute pencil sharperners, including Polly Pocket ones, dinosaur-shaped ones and a TV-shaped one with the Smurfs (a primary school kid can't possibly need so many pencil sharperners- where on earth did they all come from?!)
*Travel diaries to Vancouver in Pri 4 and Australia in Pri 5. Writing horrible. Neither was completed. What a waste.
*Notepads nicked from various hotels around the world such as Japan, Malaysia and Switzerland
*School homework notebooks all the way from primary school to JC
*Notes for a letter I was drafting to write to the newspaper in probably Sec 2 or 3 because ooh, they dared to diss *NSYNC! I do not remember whether the letter was completed. I think so, now that I think about it.
*Three half-written letters, from Sec 2 when I was writing to about five people, which I find kind of odd 'cos most of the people were from my class and I could just TELL them what I was saying instead of writing
*Pages torn out of a diary, from Sec 4, entry depicting meaninglessness of a mugger's life
How interesting. Nothing like a good dig through your stuff to recall things past forgotten, and of course to find things you thought you had long lost.
1:28 PM
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