I shall borrow someone else's words today!
I found this excellent article: 10 Ways We Hurt Our Romantic Relationships on lifehack.org that you should find refreshing and well thought out, despite the title sounding like a women's magazine cliche.
That are points I wholeheartedly agree with, like being afraid of breaking up; the fear itself being the problem. Reinforces my belief that a lot of things that go wrong in relationships are self-fulfilling prophecies: You think you're not lovable, so you become quite unlovely; you think it isn't going to work out, so you stop making efforts to make it work: thus, of course it doesn't!
But there were two points that I never really thought of as harmful to relationships: expecting happiness, and expecting it to be hard. Anyway, go check it out, leave a tag on my board if you agree, (I can't remember how to enable comments for each post after tampering with the html on my blog way too much), and we'll talk! (:
5:07 AM
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Your weakness is the ingredient to your strength.
I was feeling slightly down today, and suddenly God brought this to mind from the Meta conference back in December. Dave Park was telling a story about his son, David, as a child. David has a permanent health ailment, I can't remember what it was exactly, but it causes him a lot of pain. David had been in and out of seeing doctors, none of whom seemed able to cure him. One night Dave Park heard David crying in his room at night. He went him and asked him what was wrong, are you in a lot of pain, but what was David's reply? "I'm crying because I'm thinking of all the people who don't know God." And Dave was astounded, and could see God's plan: Better a boy with an ailment and a heart for God and others, rather than a healthy boy with a heart of stone.
Brought to mind some things I had written quite a while back:
"So many a time I've asked God why I feel so talentless and hopeless compared to others. Now I am strangely thankful. If I had everything, I wouldn't keep asking questions. If life was so easy, it would be even more difficult for me to want to understand truth, as it is so comfortable in the world already.
If I had everything, with my personality, I would probably never get the privilege of understanding. It may be possible for others, if they are willing to be humbled, which I probably wouldn't.
So I am thankful. "
(From a July 2006 journal entry)
"I know that grades aren't everything. And yet I know very well am not smart enough to just study a bit and get away with it. If I want to get anywhere, I have to go the whole hog. No exceptions. And I have never been very bitter about it.
"Why-" Lyra began, and found her voice weak and trembling- why can't I read the alethiometer anymore? Why can't I even do that? That was the one thing I could do really well, and it's just not there anymore- it just vanished as if it had never come..."
"You read it by grace," said Xaphania, looking at her, "and you can regain it by work."
"How long will that take?"
"A lifetime."
"That long..."
"But your reading will be even better then, after a lifetime of thought and effort, because it will come from conscious understanding. Grace attained like that is deeper and fuller than grace that comes freely, and furthermore, once you've gained it, it will never leave you."
- Philip Pullman, The Amber Spyglass"
(From an Oct 2006 blog post)
I was expressing the exact same thoughts I am feeling now, around 1.5 years later. It was just something that I subconsciously known all the while, but just needed reminding of. As I was wondering why, again, I feel that I have such minimal natural talents as compared to others and so many flaws?
Better to be a person of many flaws (and of course, learning to work around them builds character) and be able to accept and appreciate, relate and be relatable to anyone and everyone around me. Then a person born with everything and complains about everyone not being like him/her, just not being able to understand why.
In sum, weaknesses, when dealt with in a sensible manner,
1) Makes me give God the respect he deserves
2) Gives me the heart for understanding all sorts of people, and hence
3) Equips me with the ability to help all sorts of people
4) Be even better with the skill I gain from overcoming the weakness than if I got it naturally
5) Makes me a stronger person overall as a result of overcoming the weaknesses ("mature and complete in everything")
Is that a blessing or what??
The perfect example of this is my sister. My sister, as a child/teenager was awkward, rather blur (HAHA) and struggled to fit in socially. Now, some might say my sister's greatest skill is writing. To me (and probably a number of others!) my sister's GREATEST gift is her ability to get along with and make friends with just about anyone at all: ironically what she was weak at in the beginning. Being sociable! Is that beautiful irony or what? Now she's incredibly confident, sociable and outspoken, and putting herself out to achieve all she has a heart for. Her past flaws gave her a big heart for anyone who doesn't fit in, or is socially struggling in any way, and she is able to build them up. In sum, her weakness was the fuel to her strength!
Brings a whole new meaning to "feeling superior for suffering". Haha.
Thanks to this excellent Friend who reminded me of this, and is with me wherever I go!
6:14 AM
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What is love? (Again?)
I think everyone has their own interpretations of this question. To me, it is this.
I think everyone has their own interpretations of this question. To me, it is this.
Loving someone the way God loves us. One way to interpret it is being commited to the long term good of another person. This can be complicated. It makes me think of the expression. "If you really love someone, let them go. If they were meant to be yours, they will come back somehow. If not, that was the way it was meant to be." Cliche, but definitely true. If you are committed to the long term good of another person, you'll think for their own good, even if they themselves do not see it at the time. They may hate you for it, even refuse to talk to you, etc. etc. Why do you think the unconditional love of parents is sometimes so difficult for us to appreciate?
Sometimes this definition can be blurred. I think it is quite easy to say that you are committed to the long term good of a friend. It is easier that way when emotions aren't involved. How do you truly be committed to someone you are actually attracted to? How do you tell them the truth in love, even let them go in love? It isn't easy to let someone go when you think that you no longer are the best person for them to grow. Your own heart may so easily deceive you when you desire to be near that person. You worry that someone else will come along and take her away from you if you do so.
Love is being committed to the long term good of another person, even at your own expense.
Self-sacrificial love.
That's what I believe. If they were meant to be, they will come back. In the mean time, spend it growing up.
I also believe that there's no such thing as "the one". It's simply a matter of who's the best person for you at that point in your life.
Looking at all of this, I feel quite embarassed. Have I been been dedicated to the long term good of the other person in my previous relationships?
No.
Maybe I was at first. But I stopped along the way, when it got difficult. When I stopped taking care of myself and hence having to put my needs over his. It's like the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs you always see. In order to love others, you have to love yourself first.
Ending off with a quote which has nothing to do with this post but I like:
"In order for evil to triumph, the good man only needs to do nothing."
11:05 PM
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